Week Four Recap

Week 4 of the Bachelor Thoughts:

• I noticed for the first time that Elise is from a town named Forty Fort, Pennsylvania.  Classic.
• The remaining women traveled to Seoul, South Korea to find out if they were JP’s “Seoul-mates.” The group date was at a mall, where they performed with the Korean Spice Girls in front of the South Korean equivalent of JC Penney’s.
• Nikki’s negative attitude reared its ugly head.
• Sharleen and Nikki had matching cheek zits.  Wonder if it’s something in the water?
• Juan Pablo prefers Cliff Huxtable sweaters.  (Watch for his yellow shirt shout-outs in Episode 5.)
• JP plays the “I’m a father, I have to think of Camila, who will watch this show” card when he doesn’t want to kiss a woman, but throws that rationale out the window when he’s with one of his frontrunners.
• Seriously? Who would let a child watch this show?!?!?
• Elise and Lauren had to take the 12-hour flight home when they were sent packing, rose-less.

POINT SCORERS
Alli - 20 (group date, rose)
Andi - 70 (group date, gets a rose on a group date)
Cassandra - 35 (group date, shares a dance with JP, rose)
Chelsie - 35 (group date, shares a dance with JP, rose)
Clare - 70 (group date, kiss, accuses another person (Nikki) of bring different in the house, rose)
Danielle - 35 (group date, shares a dance with JP, rose)
Elise - 50 (group date, cries during interview, shares a dance with JP)
Kat - 125 (group date, cries during interview, shares a dance with JP, shows off "talent" (dancing), discusses divorce (parents), is accused of being different in the house (by Nikki), rose)
Kelly - 20 (group date, rose)
Lauren - 50 (group date, cries during interview, shares a dance with JP)
Nikki - 150 (group date, gets a rose on a group date, kiss, shares a dance with JP, accuses another person of being different in the house (Kat), is accused of being different in the house (by Clare))
Renee -  45 (group date, discusses child, rose)
Sharleen - 90 (one-on-one date, gets a rose on a one-on-one date, kiss, shows off "talent" (opera singing))



WEEK FOUR TEAM POINTS RECAP:

AMANDA N
Nikki - 150p
Andi - 70p
Victoria
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 220p
SEASON TOTAL: 590p

AMANDA H
Nikki - 150p
Renee - 45p
Elise - 50p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 245p
SEASON TOTAL: 760p

ANDY - NIGHTHAWK'S BLONDE BOMBSHELLS
Nikki - 150p
Clare - 70p
Elise - 50p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 270p
SEASON TOTAL: 1260p

BROOKE S
Andi - 70p
Nikki - 150p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 640p

BROOKE V
Clare - 70p
Andi - 70p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 185p
SEASON TOTAL: 1085p

CALLEY
Renee - 45p
Sharleen - 90p
Chelsie - 35p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 170p
SEASON TOTAL: 820p 

CARLY
Andi - 70p
Kat - 125p
Victoria
Elimination Points - 50p (Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 245p
SEASON TOTAL: 580p

GINGER
Clare - 70p
Andi - 70p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 20p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 205p
SEASON TOTAL: 1105p

HOLLY
Renee - 45p
Clare - 70p
Nikki - 150p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 290p
SEASON TOTAL: 1290p

JACI
Nikki - 150p
Kat - 125p
Chelsie - 35p
Elimination Points - 20p (Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 330p
SEASON TOTAL: 885p

JACKIE
Nikki - 150p
Kat - 125p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 345p
SEASON TOTAL: 835p

JAMI
Clare - 70p
Lucy
Sharleen - 90p
Elimination Points - 30p (Elise, Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 190p
SEASON TOTAL: 1190p

JESSIE
Chelsie - 35p
Nikki - 150p
Christy
Elimination Points - 50p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 235p
SEASON TOTAL: 705p

JODI
Andi - 70p
Nikki - 150p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 640p

JULIA
Nikki - 150p
Clare - 70p
Elise - 50p
Elimination Points - 35p (Lauren, Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 305p
SEASON TOTAL: 1305p

KAMRYN
Andi - 70p
Clare - 70p
Chelsie - 35p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 200p
SEASON TOTAL: 1170p

KATE F
Clare - 70p
Chelsie - 35p
Andi - 70p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 175p
SEASON TOTAL: 1170p

KATE M
Andi - 70p
Nikki - 150p
Kat - 125p
Elimination Points - 25p (Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 370p
SEASON TOTAL: 710p

LAURA
Andi - 70p
Renee - 45p
Nikki - 150p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 670p

MANDY
Andi - 70p
Sharleen - 90p
Nikki - 150p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 335p
SEASON TOTAL: 790p

MEG
Chelsie - 35p
Nikki - 150p
Andi - 70p
Elimination Points - 13p (Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 268p
SEASON TOTAL: 708p

MELISSA
Chelsie - 35p
Renee - 45p
Andi - 70p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 150p
SEASON TOTAL: 630p

NICK
Amy
Andi - 70p
Alli - 20p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 115p
SEASON TOTAL: 325p

NICOLE
Nikki - 150p
Andi - 70p
Cassandra - 35p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 255p
SEASON TOTAL: 690p

PEGGY
Andi - 70p
Renee - 45p
Nikki - 150p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 650p

RACHEL
Andi - 70p
Nikki - 150p
Clare - 70p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 290p
SEASON TOTAL: 940p

SARA
Renee - 45p
Andi - 70p
Clare - 70p
Elimination Points - 30p (Lauren, Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 215p
SEASON TOTAL: 1150p

SAVANNAH L
Andi - 70p
Renee - 45p
Chelsie - 35p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 150p
SEASON TOTAL: 645p

STEPHANIE
Andi - 70p
Nikki - 150p
Clare - 70p
Elimination Points - 10p (Lauren)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 300p
SEASON TOTAL: 1190p

VANESSA
Nikki - 150p
Andi - 70p
Victoria
Elimination Points - 25p (Elise)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 245p
SEASON TOTAL: 665p

Week Three Recap

It’s week three, so you know what that means.  It’s getting serious you guys!!!!  Before we get into it though, I need to address the crap-fiesta that hit the fan this weekend.  You know, when Juan Pablo made some rather disappointing remarks about why he thinks the “Bachelor” franchise should not have any gay or bisexual bachelors/bachelorettes.  You can read about it here if you missed it.

I think it’s a little disingenuous for Juan Pablo to say that his statements were taken out of context or misconstrued because English is his second language, especially since the word “pervert” translates to “pervertir” in his native tongue. 

Ok, so fifteen women remain.  Chris Harrison arrives to explain how things will go down, since this is only the 27th iteration of the show, after all.  There will be two individual dates and one group date.  Anyone standing at the end without a rose — say adios.
Juan Pablo shows what a super father he is by having a picnic with his parents and daughter and force-feeding her chicken.  Meanwhile, Cassandra is the recipient of the first one-on-one date in Long Beach, where she wore a hideous tomato red jumper.  Cassandra keeps telling everyone that she hasn’t had a first date since she was 18 years old, she’s 21, now, her son’s 2.  So, I’ll let you do the math.  Go ahead, I’ll be here when you finish.
Cassandra has clearly never heard of a duck boat tour before, because her mind was blown by the amphibious boat/car they drove into the water.  She said this was the most fun she’s ever had, which is a little sad for a former NBA cheerleader.  They end up on someone’s yacht for five seconds, jump off, and make out near the amphibi-car.  Later, Juan Pablo and Cassandra make dinner at his place.  To make her less nervous, he dirty dances with her in the living room.  Because nothing calms the nerves like a lil’ bump ‘n grind while dinner’s burning.  They look at pictures of their kids and Cassandra mentions, yet again, she hasn’t felt this way since, you guessed it, three years ago.  Cassandra gets the rose.
Meanwhile, back at the house, Renee and Elise have a heart to heart about why they’re on the show.  Renee said it’s hard for her to date as a single mom.  Elise said her mom was dying of cancer and her last wish was for her daughter to be on the Bachelor.  Renee is like, “OMG, it’s meant to be!” Um, which part? Elise’s mom dying of cancer? Or being picked to be on a reality show?
The date card arrives for Kelly, Renee, Sharlene, Danielle, Alli, Lauren, Andi, Christy, Lucy and Nikki and….they’re playing soccer, of course.  JP tells us AGAIN that he used to be a professional futbol player but he gave it all up when his daughter was born.  Isn’t that, like, the opposite of what most professional athletes do?  It’s not like he birthed her.
Alli’s played soccer her whole life so this date is right up her alley. (Sorry. Couldn’t resist.)   Others weren’t so excited about the activity.  Take Andi, who’s not a fan of balls flying in her face.  Sharleen didn’t have any experience playing soccer, but she tried, and that made Juan Pablo’s heart sing.  The blue team was getting their ass kicked by the red team, so Juan Pablo helped them out and they stopped keeping score and nobody was sent home to wallow in the van while the victors enjoyed a cocktail party.  Because everyone’s a winner.  Oh, and Lucy managed to keep her clothes on.  Win-win for all.
At the cocktail party, Nikki takes JP aside and tells him she has trouble opening up because she doesn’t want to get hurt. (Who does, girl?)  Then Andi the law-abiding attorney and Juan Pablo break into the concession stand to make out in front of the industrial refrigerators, and Andi can’t shut up about how “giddy” she is.
Let’s see…what else? We learn Danielle was adopted. Alli wants a bunch of kids.  And Sharlene kisses like she needs more practice with her pillow at a slumber party.  Sharlene and JP take center field for some one-on-one time, where Sharlene marvels about their chemistry in a monotone voice.  (She’s like the female Ben Stein.)  JP likes that Sharleen’s a classy lady.  She asks him about the word he called her last time – “mondo, was it?” No, mondo means “picked clean” in Spanish.  He actually said “mundo” or “world.”  That’s the magic word, apparently, because Sharleen couldn’t get enough of JP after that.  (Was this what the promos called “the most awkward kiss in Bachelor history?”)  The group date rose went to Nikki and her armpit tattoo.
The last date card was for Chelsie, and Elise was NOT HAVING IT.  Elise keeps telling herself that she has a strong connection with Juan Pablo. Oh, yes…because JP leaves all the girls he has great connections with to hang out at the pool with the rest of the harem while he goes on ridiculous dates.  While Chelsie’s on her date, Elise is on a mission to tell the other women that Chelsie’s, in the words of a Britney Spears song, “a girl, not yet a woman.”  (Elise is 27, while Chelsie’s a “young 24.”)  Worlds apart.
Juan Pablo takes Chelsie the “science educator” to eat Venezuelan food.  Their bellies full, they proceed to head to a bridge to bungee jump.  JP says he wants to make Chelsie feel comfortable, then proceeds to confuse the hell out of her when he says it’s OK if she doesn’t want to do jump, but in the next breath that she should do it for him.  “Look at me, look at me, look at me,” he pleads, like he’s got special hypnotic Venezuelan mind powers.  “I want you to do whatever you want to do.”  The bungee guy apparently wasn’t being paid by the hour because he was ready to GO.  Finally, Chelsie decides to take the leap since she believes JP actually gave her a choice.  (Silly, silly child!)  They jump and make out upside down, which totally scrambles Chelsie’s brain.  Forget about getting a scientific breakdown of what just happened.  Now, she’s talking about how jumping and free-falling is “the epitome of building a relationship” because you can’t have kids with people you don’t trust.  (Sure you can.)
Newly bonded and freshly showered, they have dinner on the steps of Pasadena’s City Hall and discuss their fears.  Juan Pablo says he’s afraid his daughter won’t like him.  Chelsie’s afraid of not being happy.  JP gave her the rose, and Billy Currington serenades them.  That would’ve been awkward if she didn’t get the rose.  JP calls Chelsie “wife material” and a keeper.
Back at the house, Kat and Elise have a chat, and Elise says, “younger girls don’t have experience.” Um, Cassandra just got her license to legally drink and she has a two-year-old child and she’s a 21-year-old mom.  What experience is she referring to? Because Chelsie totes just jumped off a bridge, even though it wasn’t even her decision.  Life experience, bitch!
The day of the rose ceremony, Juan Pablo arrives at the house to make a Venezuelan breakfast for the ladies a/k/a see what they look like without makeup.  The only one awake at that hour is Molly the dog.  Kelly was the first one up because she had to let Molly out.  Kelly saw JP and was mortified, covering her face and running upstairs to put her bra and face on.
Juan Pablo decided to cancel the cocktail party and have a pool party instead.  Nikki and Andi wore fringe bikinis, which were a little too cowgirl for me, and Elise wore an old lady white mesh cover up.
Kat took full advantage of pool time with JP.  She said she wanted to position herself well and apparently that meant having her crotch in his head for 20 minutes as she sat on his shoulders.  Kelly (and by extension, Molly) were not amused, and called Kat a whore who was trying too hard.  (Kelly’s words, but you could tell Molly was thinking the same thing.)
Sharleen wasn’t impressed either and started questioning whether she belonged there.  She starts crying to Juan Pablo because she’s “too real” for this process.  Then they start making out.  What?  I really hope we get to hear her sing before she leaves.
Clare cried in the bathroom to pledge mom Renee about how she’s feeling neglected by Juan Pablo.  She spends some one-on-one time with JP and when asked about the other women getting dates, says, “It’s not a jealousy issue but I wish it was me.”  That’s pretty much the definition of jealousy, Clare.  Danielle the psychiatric nurse was strangely silent during the meltdowns.
At the rose ceremony, Juan Pablo gave roses to Andi, Renee, Kelly (and Molly), Sharleen (whose dress looked like my Mom’s dog’s chewtoy, though she wore it well), Elise and her tacky red sequined dress, Kat, Alli, Clare, Lauren and Danielle.  He sent Christy and free spirit Lucy home.
In case you can’t get enough of “The Bachelor,” Sean and Catherine’s wedding is live on Sunday, y’all!  ABC’s calling it “the most romantic event of the year.”  Well, it’s only the third week of January, so that’s not saying much.
And for those who may have missed the “Love Stories” show on Sunday, here’s what you missed.  Trista and Ryan renewed their vows last month, Ryan has finally run out of cheesy poems, and proclaimed that their everyday life is “poetry.”  He also read his original vows for the renewal = LAZY.  Everyone who’s still together (Trista and Ryan, Molly and Jason, Desiree and Chris, and Ashley and JP) are all “happier than they’ve ever been.”  We were also treated to a montage of Sean and Catherine’s relationship, from the moment she proclaimed, “I’m a vegan but I love the beef” to their engagement photos where they frolicked on the beach in giant panda heads, to Catherine’s non-stop references to how she can’t wait to “throw down” in “consummation station” (a/k/a the honeymoon suite).  We get it, you can’t wait to have sex.  And now all of America will know you’re doing it Sunday night at 10/9 Central.  Lovely.
Next week, we get to hear Sharleen randomly sing opera (yay!) and Clare and Nikki start fighting.

(ehilarity.com)

POINT SCORERS
Alli - 20 (group date, rose)
Andi - 45 (group date, kiss, rose)
Cassandra - 105 (one-on-one date, kiss, shares a dance with JP, gets a rose on one-on-one date, discusses child)
Chelsie - 130 (one-on-one date, participates in date with biggest fear, cries during date, kiss, shares a dance with JP, gets a rose on one-on-one date)
Christy - 35 (group date, cries during interview)
Clare - 85 (survives without getting a date, cries off camera, cries during interview, rose)
Danielle - 20 (group date, rose)
Elise - 60 (survives without getting a date, discusses death of family member, rose)
Kat - 35 (survives without getting a date, rose)
Kelly - 20 (group date, rose)
Lauren - 20 (group date, rose)
Lucy - 35 (group date, cries during interview)
Nikki - 70 (group date, gets a rose on group date)
Renee -  45 (group date, discusses child, rose)
Sharleen - 70 (group date, kiss, cries during date, rose)



WEEK THREE TEAM POINTS RECAP:

AMANDA N
Nikki - 70p
Andi - 45p
Victoria
Elimination Points - 50p (Lucy, Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 165p
SEASON TOTAL: 370p

AMANDA H
Nikki - 70p
Renee - 45p
Elise - 60p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 175p
SEASON TOTAL: 515p

ANDY - NIGHTHAWK'S BLONDE BOMBSHELLS
Nikki - 70p
Clare - 85p
Elise - 60p
Elimination Points - 50p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 990p

BROOKE S
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 160p
SEASON TOTAL: 375p

BROOKE V
Clare - 85p
Andi - 45p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 175p
SEASON TOTAL: 900p

CALLEY
Renee - 45p
Sharleen - 70p
Chelsie - 130p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 245p
SEASON TOTAL: 650p 

CARLY
Andi - 45p
Kat - 35p
Victoria
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 80p
SEASON TOTAL: 335p

GINGER
Clare - 85p
Andi - 45p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 175p
SEASON TOTAL: 900p

HOLLY
Renee - 45p
Clare - 85p
Nikki - 70p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 225p
SEASON TOTAL: 1000p

JACI
Nikki - 70p
Kat - 35p
Chelsie - 130p
Elimination Points - 30p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 555p

JACKIE
Nikki - 70p
Kat - 35p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 25p (Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 175p
SEASON TOTAL: 490p

JAMI
Clare - 85p
Lucy - 35p
Sharleen - 70p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 190p
SEASON TOTAL: 1000p

JESSIE
Chelsie - 130p
Nikki - 70p
Christy - 35p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 235p
SEASON TOTAL: 470p

JODI
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 160p
SEASON TOTAL: 375p

JULIA
Nikki - 70p
Clare - 85p
Elise - 60p
Elimination Points - 30p (Lucy, Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 245p
SEASON TOTAL: 1000p

KAMRYN
Andi - 45p
Clare - 85p
Chelsie - 130p
Elimination Points - 25p (Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 285p
SEASON TOTAL: 970p

KATE F
Clare - 85p
Chelsie - 130p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 20p (Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 280p
SEASON TOTAL: 995p

KATE M
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Kat - 35p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 150p
SEASON TOTAL: 340p

LAURA
Andi - 45p
Renee - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Elimination Points - 50p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 210p
SEASON TOTAL: 425p

MANDY
Andi - 45p
Sharleen - 70p
Nikki - 70p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 210p
SEASON TOTAL: 455p

MEG
Chelsie - 130p
Nikki - 70p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 20p (Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 265p
SEASON TOTAL: 440p

MELISSA
Chelsie - 130p
Renee - 45p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 220p
SEASON TOTAL: 480p

NICK
Amy
Andi - 45p
Alli - 20p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 90p
SEASON TOTAL: 210p

NICOLE
Nikki - 70p
Andi - 45p
Cassandra - 105p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 220p
SEASON TOTAL: 435p

PEGGY
Andi - 45p
Renee - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 160p
SEASON TOTAL: 385p

RACHEL
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Clare - 85p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 200p
SEASON TOTAL: 650p

SARA
Renee - 45p
Andi - 45p
Clare - 85p
Elimination Points - 35p (Lucy, Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 210p
SEASON TOTAL: 935p

SAVANNAH L
Andi - 45p
Renee - 45p
Chelsie - 130p
Elimination Points - 25p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 245p
SEASON TOTAL: 495p

STEPHANIE
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 70p
Clare - 85p
Elimination Points - 30p (Lucy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 230p
SEASON TOTAL: 890p

VANESSA
Nikki - 70p
Andi - 45p
Victoria
Elimination Points - 50p (Lucy, Christy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 165p
SEASON TOTAL: 420p

Week Two Recap

We found out on Sunday night (special preview episode) that Clare got the first one-on-one date tonight.  That’s all the gals can talk about poolside, while watching Molly the spaniel doggy-paddle around the pool. 

Clare says that she’s not the kind of girl who goes to bars or does online dating.  SO, where does she meet guys? (Aside from on television, because that’s already been established.)  JP blindfolds Clare and they speed off in his sedan (?) to a fake snow scene in L.A.  They go sledding and ice skating in what’s clearly a Ralph’s parking lot.  Clare thinks Juan Pablo is hilarious, though I’m not seeing the funny.  In fact, I’m not seeing much personality, period.

Clare says she hasn’t felt this alive with a man in a long time.  Well, no kidding. She refuses to meet them in bars or online.  Where DOES she meet them???? JP and Clare end up in the hot tub because that’s what you do after sledding.  (I’m a Midwesterner, I know these things.)
Clare proceeds to give Juan Pablo a backrub while talking about her late father, which is the biggest mood-killer ever.  Clare talks about how she shut down emotionally after her father’s death, became an “ice queen” and hasn’t connected with anyone in a long time.

Of course, this melts Juan Pablo’s heart and he gives Clare the rose and the distinct privilege of being the first woman to make out in a hot tub this season.
And, just like your favorite late-night infomercial — BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE!  –they are serenaded by a runner-up from the X-Factor, and it’s the best date Clare says she’s ever been on (has she ever been on one?), and it got even better! Because it fake-snowed in L.A.!

Meanwhile, Lucy the full-time “free spirit” doesn’t believe in wearing a bikini top poolside and walks around with a giant black box covering her boobs.

The second one-on-one date went to Kat the medical sales rep.  They took a private plane to Salt Lake City where they dressed like extras in Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” video for the Electric 5K Run, and waved glow sticks with hundreds of people in way too much neon.  Kat kept talking about the “electricity” between her and Juan Pablo, and she got the rose.

Thirteen women went on the group date (Chelsie, Christy, Cassandra, Andi, Renee, Lauren, Kelly (who’s listed “dog lover” as her occupation), Alli, Chantel, Nikki, Elise, Victoria and Lucy for those keeping score), which was a fashion shoot for an animal shelter.  Lucy said her biggest fear was getting peed on, and her initial costume turned out to be a fire hydrant, which was perfect.  First grade teacher Elise, and Andi the control-freak attorney, however, were not pleased with their outfits — they had to pose naked.  Elise tried talking to the art director and explain why a first grade teacher probably shouldn’t be naked on TV, and the art director (an adult male with a teal goatee) was trying to tell her that being a role model has nothing to do with being naked, and it’s totally fine to do something if it’s for a good cause. Elise wisely asked Lucy to swap costumes and Lucy, who was busy walking her dog around the block naked, was happy to oblige upon her return.

Victoria, the 24-year-old legal assistant, said she hoped the date wouldn’t devolve into a horror show, which is, of course, exactly what happened.  While Victoria was downing champagne by the bottle, Cassandra, the 21-year-old former NBA dancer, told Juan Pablo she has a 2-year-old son, which is why she calls her mom ten times a day.  Renee and JP have stimulating conversation about their kids’ handwriting. *yawn*  And Juan Pablo likes Nikki because she takes care of kids.  Borrrrringggggg.
JP likes his ladies elegant, and Victoria — ain’t it.  She did, however, have the top two quotes IN BACHELOR HISTORY: “If Juan Pablo just so happens to be mine, I’m going to straddle him every day, ‘cuz that’s what life is about: straddling people and things.”  (And here I thought the hokey pokey was what it’s all about. Silly me.)  She also told nobody in particular that she gave Juan Pablo “the hymen maneuver” and saved his life during the photo shoot.  I think she meant Heimlich, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she gave him the former.  I cannot wait to hear whether she’s still working at a law firm after this episode airs.

And, as these things tend to go, she’s party girl/everything’s fine one minute, and running to the bathroom in hysterics the next.  Mommy Renee gets major props for CRAWLING UNDER THE STALL DOOR (ick factor: 10/10) to console a sobbing Victoria. Victoria tries to leave but the producers won’t let her go without shoes.  They’re trying to explain to her that they need to get her a plane ticket and a cab, and they can’t just let her leave for her own safety.  Homegirl needs to throw up, get some coffee in her, and apologize for being crazy.  Juan Pablo joins Victoria in the ladies’ room and asks if she’d like some time to pull herself together.  He wisely decides to peace out, but not before giving the rose to Kelly, who dressed as a hairless pooch at the photo shoot.
Juan Pablo asked that the girls make sure Victoria got home OK, which I’m sure production would’ve done anyway, given liability laws and all.

The next day, the girls were talking about Victoria’s meltdown.  Production took her to a hotel to let her sober up and filmed her meeting with Juan Pablo/dumping. She did apologize for setting off the crazy train, but it was too late.

At the cocktail party, Juan Pablo spent some time with the ladies who didn’t get a group date.  Amy the reporter thought she was being cute and interviewed him using her hand as a microphone.  She spent a lot of time talking into the camera and seemed pretty pleased with herself.  (I was not sad when she was sent packing.)

Sharleen the opera singer kept the side boob under wraps tonight.  To her credit, she apologized for not being gracious when he gave her the first impression rose, claiming she was simply surprised and intimidated by the other women.

Cassandra was missing her son a lot and cried to Renee, who was Super-Mom to the rescue – AGAIN.  Juan Pablo reassured Cassandra that if he didn’t see it with her or Renee, he’d send them home because they had children.  He urged Cassandra to hang in there, and he even checked her nose for boogers.  He must like her because he offered to clean her nose if that became necessary.

At the rose ceremony, Clare, Kelly and Kat already had roses, and he handed them out to: Cassandra (see?crying works sometimes!), Nikki, Andi, Elise, Sharleen (who reluctantly accepted it, with a big sigh), Renee, Danielle, Lucy, Alli, Chelsie, Lauren, and Christy.

JP sent home Amy, Chantel, and Victoria, who left after the group date. 

On Sunday, ABC will air a (SHORT) special about the lasting relationships from the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise.  Apparently, Tristan and Ryan will renew their vows in front of their bored children ,and Sean and Catherine visit a bed and breakfast that has a “Consummation station.”  Oye.
(review compliments of ehilarity.com)


POINT SCORERS
Alli - 20 (group date, rose)
Amy - 25 (group date, shows "talent" - news casting)
Andi - 20 (group date, rose)
Cassandra - 120 (group date, kiss, cries off camera, cries during interview, discusses child, rose)
Chantel - 35 (group date, cries during interview)
Chelsie - 55 (group date, interrupts alone time, rose)
Christy - 20 (group date, rose)
Clare - 530 (first one-on-one date, first real kiss, first in hot tub with JP, gets one-on-one date, gets rose on one-on-one date, kiss, shares a dance with JP, alone in hot tub with JP, discusses death of family member)
Danielle - 35 (survives without getting a date, rose)
Elise - 20 (group date, rose)
Kat - 55 (one-on-one date, gets rose on one-on-one date, shares a dance with JP)
Kelly - 70 (group date, gets rose on group date)
Lauren - 20 (group date, rose)
Lucy - 55 (group date, interrupts alone time, rose)
Nikki - 20 (group date, rose)
Renee -  45 (group date, discusses child, rose)
Sharleen - 35 (survives without getting a date, rose)
Victoria - 110 (group date, cries off camera, cries and creates a scene, appears clearly and unquestionably drunk)


WEEK TWO TEAM POINTS RECAP:

AMANDA N
Nikki - 20p
Andi - 20p
Victoria - 110p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 150p
SEASON TOTAL: 205p

AMANDA H
Nikki - 20p
Renee - 45p
Elise - 20p
Elimination Points - 50p (Chantel, Victoria)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 135p
SEASON TOTAL: 340p

ANDY - NIGHTHAWK'S BLONDE BOMBSHELLS
Nikki - 20p
Clare - 530p
Elise - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 570p
SEASON TOTAL: 725p

BROOKE S
Andi - 20p
Nikki - 20p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 85p
SEASON TOTAL: 215p

BROOKE V
Clare - 530p
Andi - 20p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 595p
SEASON TOTAL: 725p

CALLEY
Renee - 45p
Sharleen - 35p
Chelsie - 55p
Elimination Points - 25p (Amy, Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 160p
SEASON TOTAL: 405p 

CARLY
Andi - 20p
Kat - 55p
Victoria - 110p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 185p
SEASON TOTAL: 255p

GINGER
Clare - 530p
Andi - 20p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 595p
SEASON TOTAL: 725p

HOLLY
Renee - 45p
Clare - 530p
Nikki - 20p
Elimination Points - 25p (Amy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 620p
SEASON TOTAL: 775p

JACI
Nikki - 20p
Kat - 55p
Chelsie - 55p
Elimination Points - 35p (Amy, Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 165p
SEASON TOTAL: 290p

JACKIE
Nikki - 20p
Kat - 55p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 25p (Victoria)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 145p
SEASON TOTAL: 315p

JAMI
Clare - 530p
Lucy - 55p
Sharleen - 35p
Elimination Points - 20p (Victoria, Amy)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 640p
SEASON TOTAL: 810p

JESSIE
Chelsie - 55p
Nikki - 20p
Christy - 20p
Elimination Points - 10p (Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 105p
SEASON TOTAL: 235p

JODI
Andi - 20p
Nikki - 20p
Renee - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 85p
SEASON TOTAL: 215p

JULIA
Nikki - 20p
Clare - 530p
Elise - 20p
Elimination Points - 30p (Victoria, Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 600p
SEASON TOTAL: 755p

KAMRYN
Andi - 20p
Clare - 530p
Chelsie - 55p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 605p
SEASON TOTAL: 685p

KATE F
Clare - 530p
Chelsie - 55p
Andi - 20p
Elimination Points - 30p (Victoria, Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 635p
SEASON TOTAL: 715p

KATE M
Andi - 20p
Nikki - 20p
Kat - 55p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 95p
SEASON TOTAL: 190p

LAURA
Andi - 20p
Renee - 45p
Nikki - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 85p
SEASON TOTAL: 215p

MANDY
Andi - 20p
Sharleen - 35p
Nikki - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 75p
SEASON TOTAL: 245p

MEG
Chelsie - 55p
Nikki - 20p
Andi - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 95p
SEASON TOTAL: 175p

MELISSA
Chelsie - 55p
Renee - 45p
Andi - 20p
Elimination Points - 10p (Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 130p
SEASON TOTAL: 260p

NICK
Amy - 25p
Andi - 20p
Alli - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 65p
SEASON TOTAL: 120p

NICOLE
Nikki - 20p
Andi - 20p
Cassandra - 120p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 160p
SEASON TOTAL: 215p

PEGGY
Andi - 20p
Renee - 45p
Nikki - 20p
Elimination Points - 10p (Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 95p
SEASON TOTAL: 225p

RACHEL
Andi - 20p
Nikki - 20p
Clare - 530p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 570p
SEASON TOTAL: 650p

SARA
Renee - 45p
Andi - 20p
Clare - 530p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 595p
SEASON TOTAL: 725p

SAVANNAH L
Andi - 20p
Renee - 45p
Chelsie - 55p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 120p
SEASON TOTAL: 250p

STEPHANIE
Andi - 20p
Nikki - 20p
Clare - 530p
Elimination Points - 10p (Chantel)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 580p
SEASON TOTAL: 660p

VANESSA
Nikki - 20p
Andi - 20p
Victoria - 110p
Elimination Points - 50p (Chantel, Amy, Victoria)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 200p
SEASON TOTAL: 255p

Team Rosters and Week One Points Recap

POINT SCORERS
Sharleen - 125p (First impression rose)
Elise - 85p (First to mention death of family member, Mentions death of mother, rose)
Renee - 85p (First to mention own child, Mentions own child (son), rose)
Amy J. - 50p (Shows off a talent (massage), cries during interview)
Kat - 50p (Shows off a talent (dance), shares a dance with JP, rose)
Lauren H. - 50p (Cries during interview, discusses divorce)
Lauren S. - 35p (Shows off a talent (piano), rose)
Clare - 35p (Pulls a prank (preggo), rose)
Chelsie - 35p (Shows off a talent ("science experiment"), rose)
Alli - 35p (Shows off a talent (soccer), rose)
Nikki - 35p (Shows off a talent (nurse skills), rose)
Danielle - 25p (Brings JP a gift, rose)
Kylie - 25p (Cries during interview)
Lacy - 15p (Brings JP a gift)
Christine - 15p (Brings JP a gift)
Ashley - 15p (Brings JP a gift)
Maggie - 15p (Brings JP a gift)
Lucy, Victoria, Amy L., Chantel, Andi, Cassandra, Christy, Kelly (and Molly the dog) - 10p each (rose)


Team Point Recap

AMANDA N
Nikki - 35p
Andi - 10p
Victoria - 10p
TOTAL: 55p

AMANDA H
Nikki - 35p
Renee - 85p
Elise - 85p
TOTAL: 205p

ANDY - NIGHTHAWK'S BLONDE BOMBSHELLS
Nikki - 35p
Clare - 35p
Elise - 85p
TOTAL: 155p

BROOKE S
Andi - 10p
Nikki - 35p
Renee - 85p
TOTAL: 130p

BROOKE V
Clare - 35p
Andi - 10p
Renee - 85p
TOTAL: 130p

CALLEY
Renee - 85p
Sharleen - 125p
Chelsie - 35p
TOTAL: 245p

CARLY
Andi - 10p
Kat - 50p
Victoria - 10p
TOTAL: 70p

GINGER
Clare - 35p
Andi - 10p
Renee - 85p
TOTAL: 130p

HOLLY
Renee - 85p
Clare - 35p
Nikki - 35p
TOTAL: 155p

JACI
Nikki - 35p
Kat - 50p
Chelsie - 35p
TOTAL: 125p

JACKIE
Nikki - 35p
Kat - 50p
Renee - 85p
TOTAL: 170p

JAMI
Clare - 35p
Lucy - 10p
Sharleen - 125p
TOTAL: 170p

JESSIE
Chelsie - 35p
Nikki - 35p
Christy - 10p
TOTAL: 80p

JODI
Andi - 10p
Nikki - 35p
Renee - 85p
TOTAL: 130p

JULIA
Nikki - 35p
Clare - 35p
Elise - 85p
TOTAL: 155p

KAMRYN
Andi - 10p
Clare - 35p
Chelsie - 35p
TOTAL: 80p

KATE F
Clare - 35p
Chelsie - 35p
Andi - 10p
TOTAL: 80p

KATE M
Andi - 10p
Nikki - 35p
Kat - 50p
TOTAL: 95p

LAURA
Andi - 10p
Renee - 85p
Nikki - 35p
TOTAL: 130p

MANDY
Andi - 10p
Sharleen - 125p
Nikki - 35p
TOTAL: 170p

MEG
Chelsie - 35p
Nikki - 35p
Andi - 10p
TOTAL: 80p

MELISSA
Chelsie - 35p
Renee - 85p
Andi - 10p
TOTAL: 130p

NICK
Amy - 10p
Andi - 10p
Alli - 35p
TOTAL: 55p

NICOLE
Nikki - 35p
Andi - 10p
Cassandra - 10p
TOTAL: 55p

PEGGY
Andi - 10p
Renee - 85p
Nikki - 35p
TOTAL: 130p

 RACHEL
Andi - 10p
Nikki - 35p
Calre - 35p
TOTAL: 80p

SARA
Renee - 85p
Andi - 10p
Clare - 35p
TOTAL: 130p

 SAVANNAH L
Andi - 10p
Renee - 85p
Chelsie - 35p
TOTAL: 130p

STEPHANIE
Andi - 10p
Nikki - 35p
Clare - 35p
TOTAL: 80p

VANESSA
Nikki - 35p
Andi - 10p
Victoria - 10p
TOTAL: 55p

Week One Recap

I feel like it has been such a long time since Desiree's season....but now we are finally back with Bachelor Juan Pablo - and a new fantasy league!!! (WOOHOO!)

JUAN PABLO
So, looking forward to this season and the many many instances of Juan Pablo (or JP as I like to call  him) shirtless (days...nights...whatever!)!!! I think we can all agree that JP is super yummy!
How did everyone feel about JP and Sean's weird interview?! I mean, Sean is cute and all...but I really have to admit that I hate these HUGE wastes of air time. I feel like they do it every season and I all have the same garbage advise (be yourself....have fun....blah blah blah)! At least Sean was honest about kissing LOTS and LOTS of girls! (Don't forget....Sean and Catherine's Wedding - January 26th on ABC).

CONTESTANT INTROS
If Chris Harrison really cared about us, the viewers and more specifically the fantasy league players, he'd force the producers to do an intro on every single contestant and post it on the website before hand. I'm not saying I'd spend 3 hours watching all of these videos beforehand except yes I am saying that, I would watch the crap out of that. Anyway, a few highlights from the intros:

-Can you say desperate old maid, Amy J?! Ummm....I got a few weird crazy vibes before she even showed up in the limo with her awkward intro to JP!
-I'm a bit concerned about what a few of the women consider "careers"....coughLUCYcough...."free spirit?! aka unemployed college grad/gypsy. And Kelly...."dog lover". Hummm, not quite a career if you ask me. But if I could find a way to get paid for loving things....man I'd be rich!

-I hate how all these women are "so glad that it's JP"....when honestly, I don't think he said more than 15 words all last season! How do they even know who he is?! Their stalking abilities must have no bounds. Let's hope he says more tonight than he did all last season!


LIMO EXITS

1. Amy L. - Pretty boring, nothing special aside from her being the memorable first out of the limo.
2. Cassandra - First, NBA dancer....ooooook....and how about that AWWWWWWKWARD silence?! Did ABC really play crickets?! LOL.
3. Christy - Boring....but can they please stop saying "I'm so glad it is you!"
4. Christine - "I'm nervous".....I hate when they say that too.

Cue JP to say "I'm liking this limo" for the first of many times....

5. Nikki - Cheesy, but kinda cute stethoscope bit...."can you hear how nervous I am?!"

And then you hear the next limo from down the block.....apparently that was the party bus!!

6. Kat - She's a self proclaimed 'dancer'....not sure if that means "exotic" or what?! Maybe time will tell...
7. Chantel - "taught" JP how to pronounce her name....SHHHHantel....tricky.
8. Victoria - A little irritating using the baby talk when talking about Spanish vs. Portuguese, "oh thanks, yeah, yeah".....BARF
9. Lucy - Oh free spirit Lucy.....what drama will you bring?! I can see the crazy dripping off of you. Not wearing shoes....I think JP probably thought it was gross (see cocktail party one on ones later in the show when she puts her feet on his lap....ew.)

10. Danielle - Cue JP saying "I'm liking this limo..." again. Seems normal and like she can hold her own against the caddiness.
11.  Lauren S. - She rolls in (literally) on a piano bike....pretty hard in a tight long dress and heels, but she wasn't half bad. Hopefully this makes her musical....JP loves musicians. Nevermind that she forgot to tell him her name....too much bit on the brain! Cute that JP went back inside to get it though.

Next limo....a bit roudy.

12. Chelsie - "Science educator".....can we just say "teacher" please?!
13. Valerie - Cowboy boots....otherwise pretty normal.
14. Elise - What a cutie! Looking forward to her letting her crazy out!
15. Ashley - Another teacher....gives JP a gold star. Cute and memorable.
16. Clare - Ohhhhh myyyyyyyy......pregnant bit. (Cue commercial break). I think we all knew it was fake, right?! But at least JP didn't show the disgust all over his face!! I thought it might have backfired for her, but it was memorable and she seemed to be really fun. Actually in a weird way....JP seemed to like the pregnant look?! Like he could see her this way in the future.......oye.
17. Alli - FINALLY a soccer bit - we KNEW it was coming at some point, right? JP seemed intrigued......
18. Amy J. - A little intense a little fast, "I just want you to know I'm here for YOU..." (big eyes). Oh my.
19. Renee - So much in common with JP right off the bat, single parent, lives in FL. I think JP is eager to talk with her more. And he affectionately calls here "mama".
20. Lauren H. - I like to call her "I already have my wedding dress Lauren"....was anyone else surprised by her bio? She met her ex-fiance only a year ago?! Got engaged, got dumped, and is now here within only a year?! Whoa.
21. Maggie - Gives JP a fishing hook....cute and memorable idea. Not sure he likes the southern girls, but we'll see.
22. Kelly "dog lover" - Of course....she brings a dog. At first I thought it might be a "seeing eye dog" or something, but no. Just cheesy.

Next limo....more screaming....

23. Lacy - Lacy brings JP some aspirin for all the crazies....cute.
24. Alexis - She looks super nervous, but normal....for now.
25. Kylie - Holy pink dress and Katy Perry red hair! Not much to say, but maybe later.
26. Sharleen - JP keeps commenting on her dress, which was strange. She says she's been living in Germany...JP seems so very impressed and loves that "she has the world" in her. And he loves music....music is the language of love?!
27. Andi - Last but not least, JP seems so very impressed. Andi seems so very great and comfortable with JP despite saying she's nervous. Sparks?!

So now we're only half way through the show.....let the drunk fest begin!!!

COCKTAIL PARTY

Scattered quick hit thoughts from the cocktail party:
- At the cocktail party, the ladies are salivating over his accent (he could read the phone book!)  Ayayayay.
-Juan Pablo arrives on the scene with a boom box and they start dancing and taking photos in the photo booth.  For a first night cocktail party, things seem pretty stable. Nobody’s trashed or exceptionally catty.
-The party REALLY got started when Crazy Amy J. brought her massage oils and a massage table into the courtyard.  She rubbed essential oils all over his suit, ruining it, and the moment, because she MOANED and was creepy throughout the massage.  No happy ending for anyone. JP even says, "the massage was awkward...". I think she's bought her ticket home.

-Juan Pablo gave the first impression rose to Sharleen, because he really liked her side-boob dress.  She also showed him the least amount of attention of any woman there. He gave her the rose and she was like, “Seriously?” and hesitated for awhile, before answering "sure".  I like that she’s honest about how she’s not really feeling much chemistry with Juan Pablo.  Could it be that someone may *GASP* not have feelings for someone upon just meeting them?

-I grew progressively more and more irritated over Lauren H. complaining that she wasn't getting "her time".....go get yours girl!!!
-Perhaps it was the editing....but no one was interrupted in their one one one time....interesting.
-I lost count of how many women asked, "do you remember my name?" and JP says, "no." LOL, I applaud his honesty.
-And lastly, I found it odd that no one brought up Desiree....yet.


ROSE CEREMONY
At the rose ceremony, Juan Pablo gave roses to eighteen women: Sharleen (first impression rose), Clare, Nikki the Nurse, Renee the single mom, Andi the Attorney, Alli, Chantel, Lauren S., Kelly and her dog Molly, Cassandra, Danielle, Chelsie, Kat, Victoria, Christy, Lucy the “free spirit”, Elise, Amy L.

JP sent nine women home: Maggie (southern belle), Valerie, Alexis, Amy "magic fingers" J., Ashley, Christine, Kylie, Lacy, and Lauren "I already have my wedding dress" H. 

Bachelor Season 18 Begins Juan-uary 5th!

Never before had a fan favorite emerged with less screen time, but Juan Pablo seized on every moment he was given to capture the hearts of women everywhere. Now he returns as the first Venezuelan Bachelor where he will say more in the first episode than he did all season. The women are excited for his good looks, charm, sense of humor, and devotion to his daughter, but will he be reciprocate that enthusiasm for the flock of lunatics stepping out of the limo?