House Mom Renee got the first one-on-one date in Vietnam, which she expected would be “life changing.” Nothing like putting a little presh on the sitch. The girl REALLY wants a kiss. That’s all she can talk about. He rents a pedicab and takes Renee around like a child.
They pick out a tailor made dress for her in a hot little shop. JP bought her a fan because she was profusely sweating, which I can totally relate to. Renee and I have what my doctor refers to as “very efficient self-cooling systems.”
Then, they picked out gifts for their kids, a dress for Camila, and a hat for Renee’s son, Ben. (According to Renee, Ben is a “mature 8.” Whatever that means. Poor Renee thinks she’s found this amazing guy who’s a wonderful father and husband material. Just wait til after the break.
Is it just me or was the cadence of Juan Pablo’s voice super irritating this week? Like, more so than other weeks. Maybe it’s because JP is becoming more and more of a cad. Thank goodness Juan-uary is OVER. They made wishes on floating lanterns and Renee wished for a kiss, which didn’t come true. JP said it wasn’t happening because he didn’t want to disrespect her son. (WTF?)
The next day was the group date, where Sharleen, Chelsie, Kat, Cassandra, Clare, Kelly, Alli, Danielle and Andi floated in bamboo boats with partners. Clare apparently didn’t have any friends in the house so she partnered up with Juan Pablo and they detoured into some bushes to make out, which upset some of the other women. Then they walked up to someone’s house, picked food from a giant backyard garden, and had dinner with the family.
At the cocktail party, Juan Pablo grabbed Clare and they sneaked off to his suite and jumped in the pool to make out like teenagers.
Sharleen started to pull back from her feelings with Juan Pablo, becoming unsure of her connection. “I need to believe that he sees me as a panda in a room full of brown bears.” Um, what? He called her cute and they made out by the ocean. A move he then repeated with Andi. He wants to know what she’s thinking and girl, there’s not enough time on the date. All of the girls who are not named Clare questioned their connection with him, and rightfully so. He gave the date rose to Clare. Of course.
At this point, I realized that I get super confused with Andi and Alli. I thought they were the same person. Anyone else have this problem?
Later that night, Clare decided she didn’t want the night to end, so she sneaked to JP’s place at 4 a.m. to “swim in the warm ocean.” Of course JP wanted her to "stop by"....why else would he have showed her where his room was earlier?! Let’s do another first in Vietnam, she says. Oh, there was a first, all right. They rode the waves and, apparently, a whole lot more. Clare said it was the best night of her life. She compared herself to a baby giraffe with wobbly legs.
After the commercial break, it’s Nikki’s turn for the one-on-one date. She’s really starting to be a pain in the ass. “I always get the rose on the group date,” she said. Courtney much?
They rappelled down a cave named Hell which was very fitting. Nikki is (of course) afraid of heights. I think it’s a prerequisite for every woman who appears on the show to have a major fear of heights. Right after they check ‘em out for psychological testing, they ask, “Are you afraid of heights? You are? Perfect!”
For the upteenth time, we hear someone explain that rappelling down the cave is a lot like falling in love – you have no control. But JP kisses Nikki and she’s somehow able to find the courage to continue on to the dinner waiting a few feet below. We learn that Nikki “bounced around for awhile,” became a care assistant, and went to nursing school. She said she likes working with sick kids because they’re innocent and hopeful. She also said she’s “super compassionate with a huge heart” – funny, that side of her is NEVER on display. Nikki got the rose and says she feels like she stuck her finger in a light socket. After a two minute talk, he says “this is a potential wife right here.” Ugh.
The ladies take a Willy Wonka-esque trip down the Lollipop River to the rose ceremony. It was the most awkward rose ceremony cocktail party EVER. (And Chris Harrison, for once, didn’t feel compelled to tell us this!) Clare tried to break the tension by making a toast ,“To finding love, being loved and making love.” Juan Pablo pulls Clare aside to tell her that their moonlight romp in the ocean was “weird” and he felt bad about it because he’s trying to be fair to the other women. He also said he didn’t want his daughter to see what happened between them when she watches the show (!) Of course, Clare is completely embarrassed and starts crying, telling him that it wasn’t her intention to disrespect his daughter, and he’s like, don’t cry because of me while I’m slut shaming you. I’m over it. Don’t worry about it. She asked him later why he didn’t just say no, and he gave the worst answer possible, “I didn’t want to take away from the emotion you had.” Um, WHAT? That makes, like, zero sense. Don’t blame it on the language barrier. I call BS. Also, Clare told the other women that her puffy eyes were because of her wacky allergies. Riiight.
Juan Pablo sends Alli, Danielle and Kelly home. Meanwhile, Clare is mortified, and wants to “crawl back into her little turtle shell” – I think that was part of the problem, the turtle coming out of its shell and all.
Here are a few final thoughts: If Juan Pablo truly cared about making a good impression on his daughter, finding true love and a mother/role model for Camila, why would he go on a TV show created by Heidi Fleiss’ brother? Where the “overnight suite date card” is offered to the final three women? And, assuming he doesn’t pull a Brad Womack and not choose anyone, how’s the woman who “wins” supposed to feel (also assuming it’s not Clare, and even if it was, how he handled everything was pretty dreadful). Ew. Just, ew.
(ehilarity.com)
POINT SCORERS
Andi - 45 (group date, kiss, rose)
Cassandra - 20 (group date, rose)
Chelsie - 20 (group date, rose)
Clare - 145 (group date, kiss, gets a rose on a group date, cries during a date, cries during interview)
Kat - 20 (group date, rose)
Nikki - 90 (one-on-one date, kiss, gets a rose on a one-on-one date, participates in a date that involves a worst fear)
Renee - 90 (one-on-one date, gets a rose on a one-on-one date, discusses kid, kiss)
Sharleen - 45 (group date, kiss, rose)
WEEK FIVE TEAM POINTS RECAP:
AMANDA N
Nikki - 90p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 185p
SEASON TOTAL: 775p
AMANDA H
Nikki - 90p
Renee - 90p
Elimination Points - 50p (Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 230p
SEASON TOTAL: 990p
ANDY - NIGHTHAWK'S BLONDE BOMBSHELLS
Nikki - 90p
Clare - 145p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 285p
SEASON TOTAL: 1545p
BROOKE S
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 90p
Renee - 90p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 225p
SEASON TOTAL: 865p
BROOKE V
Clare - 145p
Andi - 45p
Renee - 90p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 280p
SEASON TOTAL: 1365p
CALLEY
Renee - 90p
Sharleen - 45p
Chelsie - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 155p
SEASON TOTAL: 975p
CARLY
Andi - 45p
Kat - 20p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 115p
SEASON TOTAL: 695p
GINGER
Clare - 145p
Andi - 45p
Renee - 90p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Alli, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 330p
SEASON TOTAL: 1435p
HOLLY
Renee - 90p
Clare - 145p
Nikki - 90p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 375p
SEASON TOTAL: 1665p
JACI
Nikki - 90p
Kat - 20p
Chelsie - 20p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 180p
SEASON TOTAL: 1065p
JACKIE
Nikki - 90p
Kat - 20p
Renee - 90p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 250p
SEASON TOTAL: 1085p
JAMI
Clare - 145p
Sharleen - 45p
Elimination Points - 45p (Danielle, Alli, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 235p
SEASON TOTAL: 1425p
JESSIE
Chelsie - 20p
Nikki - 90p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 110p
SEASON TOTAL: 815p
JODI
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 90p
Renee - 90p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 275p
SEASON TOTAL: 915p
JULIA
Nikki - 90p
Clare - 145p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 285p
SEASON TOTAL: 1590p
KAMRYN
Andi - 45p
Clare - 145p
Chelsie - 20p
Elimination Points - 40p (Danielle, Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 250p
SEASON TOTAL: 1420p
KATE F
Clare - 145p
Chelsie - 20p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 260p
SEASON TOTAL: 1430p
KATE M
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 90p
Kat - 20p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 205p
SEASON TOTAL: 915p
LAURA
Andi - 45p
Renee - 90p
Nikki - 90p
Elimination Points - 25p (Danielle)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 250p
SEASON TOTAL: 920p
MANDY
Andi - 45p
Sharleen - 45p
Nikki - 90p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 180p
SEASON TOTAL: 970p
MEG
Chelsie - 20p
Nikki - 90p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 38p (Danielle, Kelly, Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 193p
SEASON TOTAL: 901p
MELISSA
Chelsie - 20p
Renee - 90p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 155p
SEASON TOTAL: 785p
NICK
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 105p
SEASON TOTAL: 430p
NICOLE
Nikki - 90p
Andi - 45p
Cassandra - 20p
Elimination Points - 0p
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 155p
SEASON TOTAL: 845p
PEGGY
Andi - 45p
Renee - 90p
Nikki - 90p
Elimination Points - 50p (Kelly, Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 275p
SEASON TOTAL: 925p
RACHEL
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 90p
Clare - 145p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 320p
SEASON TOTAL: 1260p
SARA
Renee - 90p
Andi - 45p
Clare - 145p
Elimination Points - 50p (Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 330p
SEASON TOTAL: 1480p
SAVANNAH
Andi - 45p
Renee - 90p
Chelsie - 20p
Elimination Points - 25p (Alli)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 180p
SEASON TOTAL: 825p
STEPHANIE
Andi - 45p
Nikki - 90p
Clare - 145p
Elimination Points - 50p (Alli, Danielle, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 330p
SEASON TOTAL: 1520p
VANESSA
Nikki - 90p
Andi - 45p
Elimination Points - 50p (Danielle, Kelly)
THIS WEEK TOTAL: 185p
SEASON TOTAL: 850p
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